i know nothing i say is that brilliant or that original but GOD DAMN lets all say everything we think all the time until we get heard!
all of a sudden i dont have a car of my own and im staying in the room i grew up in
so idk maybe i should get a flip phone and braces while im at it
and MAN. people there really thought so highly of me
the day i left everyone went around the room and said something nice or gave some advice and people were saying such good things. i didnt realize other people noticed. but wow thats a good feeling being told youre smart and mature,and witty, and that i have strong convictions
usually when people say nice things about me its like
youre such a sweet heart!!
which is great and all but im also all those other things and those other things are a lot more important i think
oh but i also got other things out of it
like how bad your pee smell after asparagus
and not to fuck with bath salts
and to take care of myself
and how to say no to assholes
oh and also how it feels to be totally supported and loved by other humans who werent even getting anything from me
and i met so many bad ass ladies
i wish i could be strong and fearless and invincible and deadly
i went away for a little while, i was in nevada at a psychiatric treatment center/rehab..basically a dual diagnosis rehab. this place was really something, I mean i met some really interesting folks. and i got so much help. but it was difficult. there were men and women units..most of the time i was just with the women, but occasionally with men, in group therapy.
everyone had to tell their story at some point.. everything, i mean, people probably lied, or exaggerated or omitted but overall people really like to share. just so someone knows why you went a little crazy. or, where being crazy got you. i was more respected, well liked, and listened to there than any other time in my life. i realized how much i need to be who i am, that it will be appreciated. anyways, what really got to me, hearing all these stories, was the difference between what men and women go through.
almost every single women that was there was physically, sexually, or verbally abused, usually all three. either before they began self-medicating or throughout their use. many multiple times by different people. and this constant in our stories was horrifying and heart-breaking, and all these women, were strong or smart or creative, or all of those things.. in spite of their personal trauma..but i couldn’t help but feel sick. it was hard, to hear these stories. and people need to realize how important this is. that we live in a world where women are hurt, often as children, and it isnt taken seriously enough. and its even more painful now-knowing all of these stories- hearing violence against women being constantly joked about…it isnt light, it isnt a small thing, its an epidemic and i cant hear it be joked about, i cant hear people scoff at feminism, as if it isnt needed, when there are hate crimes committed against women everyday.